Caregiver Burnout and Its Impact on My Life
Becoming a primary caregiver
We had my parents move in with us once it became clear they couldn’t manage things on their own. My mother was suffering from advancing dementia, and my father was an insulin dependent diabetic who had become quite fragile. The plan had always been to move them from their country property and into a retirement setting once the time was right. Unfortunately, the retirement facility they had chosen wasn’t ready to take residents yet- so they came to us.
It was supposed to be an interim solution until their apartment was built and ready for occupancy. At first, it was manageable. I had always been able to care for my dad’s insulin and diet requirements. I’d had lots of practice over my lifetime. But as time went on, the constant demands, the planning, explaining and doing of this responsibility started to wear me down.
Physically, I was drained. I had no energy left to do the things that my husband and I wanted to do on our farm. I found the lack of sleep, the constant running around, and the physical demands of caregiving took a toll on my body. Mentally I was overwhelmed. I was struggling to remain willing and helpful each day, and I found myself feeling resentful. I felt guilty for feeling frustrated and resentful, but I knew it was only natural. All these emotions and struggles were taking their toll on my emotional well-being and my sense of self. I was losing touch with who I used to be before caregiving took over my life.
Grief and caregiver burnout
Eventually my mother’s dementia progressed too far for us to be able to support her at home. She was no longer able to live in a retirement setting and had to be moved into a Long-Term Care facility. This left my dad at home with us, emotionally devastated, and mourning the loss of his wife. She hadn’t died, but in a way the woman we knew had left us forever. I was trying my best to support my dad through this transition and feeling like I needed emotional support too.
Caregiver burnout is real. The price I paid for caring for my parents goes far beyond the actual physical costs involved in caring for dependent loved ones. My father passed away in 2020. Although he has been gone now for almost 3 years, I am still recovering mentally from the continual levels of stress while he was here. I still occasionally think I must run up to the house from the barn and check on him. It hits me with a start, and then I remember he is gone now.
My mother still lives in Long-Term Care, and I visit regularly. I go when I feel mentally able. I know I should not go on days when I am feeling overwhelmed or rushed. I have also learned that it’s best for me to keep the visit short, so that I don’t feel engulfed in sadness driving home.
Caregiving in community
Although my journey as a caregiver has ended, I still deal with some significant issues. I had to relearn how to take care of myself. I had to remember how to pause, breathe in and enjoy the moment- even though that sounds cheesy. It really makes a difference for me even now. I had to learn the art of reaching out to my near and dear friends for support. Even if it was simply to hear a friend say, “I can relate, I had the same experience with my mum”. It helped me feel seen and heard in this role of caregiving. I hope sharing this with you will inspire you to find ways to care for yourself in the midst of caring for a loved one. Find support and empathy with friends or family members who will listen and love you through it all. Caregiving is a wonderful gift to give your loved ones, but it shouldn’t be at the cost of your well-being.
